and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
