I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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