I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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