my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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