But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
