I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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