you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
