I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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