I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize