when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
