I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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