Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
