Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
