I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
