have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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