I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
