sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
