Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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