how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
