i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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