I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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