I just threw up on my dentist
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
