I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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