Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
where does the pee come out of this thing
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
