I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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