my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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