Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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