Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
