This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
