White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
