i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
