i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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