Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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