hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
