What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
