hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize