i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
