Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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