i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
my liver is dry heaving
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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