just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize