now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
