I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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