When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
