either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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