I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
