Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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