i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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