My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
