your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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