and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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