my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize