1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
