no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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