Umm I'm too high to move.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
