Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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