Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
